Purpose

It has been almost 10 months since I last took the time to write in here.
A lot has happened in the last 10 months, and although I didn't really forget about this space, I just didn't prioritize it.

See, I write. I currently have 4 active notebooks where I write constantly - there's my journal, there's my workout journal, there's my budgeting and adulting notebook, and then there's the stories notebook. I also have six extra notebooks ready to be used as soon as I finish one or as soon as I find a new use to one of them. 

I love notebooks. I take them very seriously. I find it easier to express myself wholly in them - I can doodle, I can scribble; in spite of being able to scratch things off, I can be honest. It's a safe space, and I am in complete control. Sort of. 

But I have written about my thoughts on blogging a long time ago - in this blog actually - and this isn't really supposed to be about that. 

Recently, I lost all of my backup photos, music and writings due to a damaged hard drive. I know - I should have had an extra backup, for these things happen way more often than you'd imagine (3 times in the last year for me), and every single time it is devastating. It's the photos that hit me the most. But it also dawned on me how much of the past year I had in word documents saved up in that drive. I had Russia there, I had Ireland there - I had the last couple of months in Korea, I had love letters and poems, I had wishes and dreams. I had everything I have in my notebooks except much more polished. 

I haven't lost those memories - I still have them, sure, but more than mourning for the loss, I fear it. I am afraid of forgetting. I am very afraid of being unable to recall a name or a hike, or something someone said or did, or a feeling. And it's silly, really... because there are reasons why things are left forgotten. But there are things I want to write about. There are plenty of things I've written about, and I am afraid of losing them again. 

So, this is backup. One of many. Because there should always be one of many. 

Let's give this thing another go, and try to make it work out this time.