She called me old

Last week, in the middle of teaching the super important difference between the 'their' and 'there', one of my students asked me a question she claimed she has been really anxious to know the answer to. 

Now, even before the question was asked, I was annoyed. Some of my students have the tendency to yell out mundane questions in order to get off topic. And I tell myself 'go, with it. They're sick of this, this is probably the only class when they can get away with this' ... but I can only go with it so far...

But then again, this girl is one of my favorites. She's smart, she's funny, and she is always outsmarting the boys in all sorts of sassy ways. Plus, she always comes with her tae kwon do uniform and black belt, which makes me have total and complete respect for the girl. She's 10, maybe 11. 

So now, to the super-mega-anxiety-inducing question: how old are you?

I remember how I was told once by someone that asking someone's age was considered rude. It's not something most people would feel comfortable answering, and it's not something people would usually question casually. The older I've gotten, the more I see how people fear their age. And I guess that makes sense. I have friends who dwell on their upcoming birthdays because of ... whatever it means, whatever that number brings. But what is that number, other than a marker to remind yourself and others of how long you've managed to succeed at living? Personally, that really is all that it means to me. 

But I understand why so many people around me get intimidated by their age.

There are so many expectations put upon us as individuals either by our parents, society, and more than anything by ourselves. We put deadlines to ourselves: "By the time I'm 20 I'll be/I'll do/I'd have done" for various reasons. Or we boost ourselves by reminding us of what we accomplished at earlier ages. I still share that story of how I placed 14th place out of 88 in a national English Language Test when I was 12. The feat in itself, I feel, is pretty fantastic, but there's just something about adding that number that just gives it a little oomph! 

And I'm not writing this out to say that it's wrong to do so. I love deadlines. They're challenging. But there is some sort of pressure to have done something by a certain age, isn't there? There are some expectations that make that number a really annoying thing to deal with. 

So back to this girl... she asked the question, and I answered truthfully.

"WHAT?!" she literally dropped her jaw
"Twenty-seven" and I wrote it out on the board because this class is terrible with numbers.
"Are you married?"
"No."
"WHAT?!" 

Now, I've had this lecture before... years ago from my Georgian co-teachers, and more recently to some of my peers back home and in the country. How could you not be married? You're getting to that point where you should be celebrating you're 3rd, 4th, 5th wedding anniversary! And honestly, these sort of comments have never really bothered me. 

But I've never gotten lectured on this topic by a tae kwon do black belt holder, 10, maybe 11 year old. 

"WHY NOT?!"
I shrugged my shoulders.
"You need to think of your age! You're old!" 
And at this point I just started laughing. She kept turning to the other students in the class and translating our conversation, but no one really seemed to share her shock and concern.
"You need to be married tomorrow!" 

Now, this was probably one of the highlights of the day. She was using correct English and she cracked me up. Every day since she asks me if I'm married yet, with genuine concern. 

I can't really say that it's a Korean thing, or a Georgian thing, or a non-Western thing, to be expected to be settled and married by [whatever age you want to insert in here]. I really feel like, even though these expectations (or maybe, if seem from another perspective, these goals) are set up by the society we live on, or by the nurture of our parents, they don't really mean anything unless we want them to, do they? Sure, we have this tendency of comparing where we are to where other people our age are in order to justify our choices.

I am grateful that I don't feel the pressure of age some other people do. I sympathize with it, but I am extremely grateful I don't carry that with me.

Honestly, it's just a number isn't it?

I'm not old.